


sometimes, you see everything you wanted

by bluenorth



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Break Up, Hurt, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluenorth/pseuds/bluenorth
Summary: They rent a house on this small island off the coast the first summer they're in love.





	sometimes, you see everything you wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure where this came from but it wanted out. Unbeta'd.
> 
> Title from 'Words Fail' from the wonderful musical Dear Evan Hansen.

They rent a house on this small island off the coast the first summer they're in love. It takes forever to get there, involves a flight, a drive and a ferry ride, but it's worth it. It's just them, a hundred seagulls and a handful of locals who have no idea who they are, so Leon gets to hold Connor's hand in public for the first time since he kissed him in a hotel room in Toronto, five months and a gruelling season ago.   
  
The house is small and crooked, full of odd corners and trinkets. Leon loves it the way he loves his parents' house in Cologne because it feels like home. It's the easiest thing in the world to drop his bags and pull Connor into his arms.   
  
Connor's lips taste like the sea and Leon remembers that when Connor comes in his mouth late that night.   
  
There's really not much to do but spend long days in bed, wrapped around each other naked, and leaning into each other on the couch with slightly more clothes on - so they don't.

 

 

 

It's over too soon.

"This was the best week," Connor whispers when they hug at the airport to say goodbye. Connor's got a connecting flight to Toronto and Leon's meeting his parents and sister for a vacation.

"I love you," Leon whispers back and disentangles himself quickly, turns around to walk up to security. He doesn't want to look at Connor's face if he doesn't say it back.   
  
Connor's wraps his fingers around Leon's wrist and pulls him back in.    
  
"Me, too," he says so quietly Leon's not entirely sure he didn't imagine it.   
  


 

 

  
They lose in the Stanley Cup final the next year and when Leon wakes up in the morning with the hangover of his life, he wonders for a moment if that detail would've been different had they won.   
  
They go back to Edmonton licking their wounds. Connor is in the seat next to him and he angles his phone so Leon can see the screen as he pulls up an old email with a reservation. It's almost a year old.    
  
"Those dates work for you?" Connor asks and Leon wants to sink into him and forget about everything.    
  
"I'll make it work," Leon promises. He'll find a way to make up for missing Kim's birthday.   
  
Connor books their flights and Leon rents them a car. They leave a few days later and the cozy house welcomes them back, allows them to collapse and comfort each other until disappointment isn't the only emotion they feel.   
  
"We'll get it next year," Connor says against Leon's lips in the darkness. 

 

 

 

Connor hands him the Cup with a brilliant smile, their hands brush, and it's the best moment of Leon's entire life. He lifts it up to the cheers of the crowd and his team, kisses it with Connor right beside him and it's perfect. It's so perfect.   


 

 

 

They get to the island a few weeks later than usual, but it's still there, still waiting for them.   
  
Leon is the happiest he's ever been and by all rights, Connor should be, too. He isn't, and Leon can tell, knows Connor better than he knows himself sometimes.   
  
He asks and Connor swears Leon is imagining things. He kisses Leon until he can't breathe or think anymore and when Connor fucks him that night, hard and deep, until he can't possibly take any more, it's the best sex they've ever had.   
  
Connor holds him close all night and Leon convinces himself that everything's fine.

 

 

 

They go back the next day. As they're saying their goodbyes, tucked away in a corner of the VIP lounge, Connor pulls out a black square box similar to the one Leon has in a drawer back in his apartment in Edmonton. He knows it's stupid, that they can't, but he's so in love with Connor, loves him with everything he has.

“Connor, what-”    
  
"I'm gonna marry her."

There’s a ringing in Leon's ears and he doesn't listen to half the things Connor says,about what Leon deserves, about what she deserves, about their careers. He can't believe he was this stupid, that he let himself forget about her because Connor only sees her three months out of the year, because he  _ knows  _ Connor doesn't love her, not in the way he should love the person he's going to marry.

“How long have you had that ring?” Leon doesn't even know why that's important until the question is out.

“A couple of months. I'm so sorry, Leon.”

He looks sad, heartbroken even, but not like he's about to fall apart like Leon is. The only thing he can do to keep it together is to let his anger lash out and do its worst.   
  
“You fucking coward. A couple of months, and what? You kept this up so I'd still help you win another fucking trophy? You goddamn fucking coward. God, I hope you're happy with this.”

He stares at Connor wishing he could take his heart back somehow, could separate it from Connor with a clean cut. He knows that's never going to happen.

“Leon-” Connor says, but Leon brushes past him and runs until he finds a bathroom far enough away that he thinks Connor won't find him should he try.

He locks himself in one of the cubicles and breaks apart.

 

 

 

He has one year left in his contract, just one year until he's a free agent and nothing and nobody can keep him in Edmonton.

It's more time than he'll survive sitting in a dressing room with Connor. When he gets injured a couple of games into the season, with a diagnosis that has him out for the rest of it, he breathes a sigh of relief.

Healing his body is easy compared to fixing the wreck Connor has made him. Nobody believes he won't get back to 100%. He rejects every team in the west and ends up in D.C. with a great contract that'll let him play out the rest of his career without seeing Connor more than twice a year.

 

 

 

He spends his summer there on the island and gets drunk the day of Connor's wedding. He's at his lowest, so he takes a picture of the living room fireplace with Connor's favorite armchair. He captions it  _ I bought the house _ and hits send before he finally deletes Connor's number.

He breathes and licks his lips. Here, they’ll always taste like the sea.


End file.
